Monday, September 10, 2012

Seeing Through Eyes Darkly - The Illness Box

Lavender Field, Vaucluse, France, near Valreas

May my thoughts and information on mental health benefit all beings.

World Suicide Awareness Day

On the very day I've called behavior health (formerly called mental health) within my health care provider, I see on Twitter that this is Suicide Awareness Day.

In recent weeks, I've felt I should do a public service announcement on my blog on the illness of depression. While one day can trivialize a profound illness effecting many people, I wish to share some reflections and tools which have helped me fight my near life-long illness.

Years ago there was a big announcement based on the study of the Amish over ten-years time. The proclamation: depression runs in families.

Really? I said to myself, hand raised. You could have saved yourself a raft of research had you just asked me. 

My father told me that his maternal grandfather with little feet--cried all the time. His daughter, my beloved grandmother, Phoebe Josephine, had her ups and downs--once so bereft with grief that she went to the rocky edge of Minnesota's Lake Superior after her daughter Dorothy was accidentally shot in the head by a Lutsen Resort guest on the North Shore of Minnesota. Grandmother Phoebe was brought back from the danger she was in on that day. Her daughter lived.

In the family, this predisposition more than "trickled down" through the generations.  Two of Phoebe's sons were diagnosed as bi-polar, a third son struggled with alcohol and may have also battled depression according to my father and cousin.

Many descendants of my grandmother, my father, and uncles have been effected by this predisposition. (Years ago I read that the father passes this imbalance within the x chromosome which is why so many more women than men battle this disease. Now the research is so in depth, it's over my head. The National Institute of Mental Health has the latest research on their website.)

Because bi-polar disorder is in my family, while visiting mental health, I'd pick up brochures from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) on bi-polar disorder and depression.  The list of symptoms became in my mind The Illness Box (as it was frequently shown with a border on the literature). 

Here is the link which ran on Twitter today for World Suicide Awareness Day. 


But for depression awareness here is the link. It is to better caught early to reduce suffering.  


One of my tools when looking at the literature, is that it helps me realize I've slipped into the "illness box." This assists me in accepting my symptoms as illness and to detach with kindness.

People can lose sight that depression can be fatal. Prevention means we deal with awareness and seek help when we, or someone we love--is hurting.

I've been asked in recent months, how have you survived, how have you coped with depression? 

My answer is and was: I ride it out - like waves on water. I try to connect with loved ones, enjoy the outdoors, exercise, work with my doctors on all aspects of healthy living and prevention. I also work on gratitude. I pray. I meditate and try to return to my own breath. 

Unlike my great-grandfather's day, there is now much help and hope for those who suffer from mental health disorders. For the purpose of this entry, I've used some labels. But
it's important we see beyond labels, seeing each person as an individual. Labels themselves can categorize people, dismissing each by placing them in a group.

I hope this entry is of benefit.

May YOU be well. May your loved ones be well.  May we live life in fullness - with smiles, aware of our many gifts.

Friday, July 20, 2012

O Faith and Feathers


Dove, the Bird of Peace
by WheelPlantUser1 Wikipedia


Dear Bird of Grace,
I come with faith
to your feathers
to bury my face against your
beating heart;
as you, with Our Infinite Creator,
hold me with your warmth;
remind me holiness is real,
profoundly able to 
lift and heal darkness;
O Faith and Feathers,
catch my tears.


By Connie Nelson Ahlberg
Honoring Angels lost this day
7-20-2012

Saturday, July 7, 2012

In Honor of the Olympics - Prayer of the Risk Taker





Woman performing a "swallow dive", 1937
Wikipedia


Prayer of the Risk Taker

I believe as surely
as I dive
into the waters below,
You, O Lord,
Will grant me
The buoyancy
to emerge
from the depths
to dive again!
My body
shimmering, wet,
Thy risk taker
in mid air
knowing
You're there!

©1995 Connie Nelson Ahlberg
All Rights Reserved.



Sunday, July 1, 2012

Today God Cups Your Face

 Italian depiction of the parable of the Good Samaritan - Wikipedia
La parabola del Buon Samaritano Messina Chiesa della Medaglia Miracolosa Casa di Ospitalita Collereale

Today God Cups Your Face


Today God
Cups your face
With caring and knows
What you've given
And to whom;
The room in your heart
And who you give it to;
He sees small kindnesses
And courageous effort
On ordinary days that
Are lifted, lifted to God's plane
As He cups your face with caring.

2000 Connie Nelson Ahlberg - All Rights Reserved.



Monday, June 25, 2012

Being Dawns Truth


Photo of Kathryn Nelson Herczeg
Educator, Wife, Mother, Grandmother, Consummate Friend


Character is like a beautiful sunset:
We know when we've seen it; and
It's face fills us with awe. Character
Is what we become as we live out
Our gifts. It's how we treat each other;
A door held open vs slammed shut;
Character is the vast difference
Between being good and seeming
To do good things. Being dawns
Truth as its morning garments
While seeming runs exhausted--
Never quite certain what to wear;
You run into beautiful sunsets when
You're not looking; like the day
I first found you.

                                           1999 Connie Nelson Ahlberg
                                           All Rights Reserved.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Like Luscious Grasses Left

Tall Grass - Lyme Park, England - Wikipedia




Like Luscious Grasses Left

Dad, we are
Like luscious grasses left
To go to seed—
So swaying taller still,
I believe,
We choke out the weeds.

By Connie Nelson Ahlberg






Thursday, June 14, 2012

Luminous Soul - Luminous Heart



The last time I talked to my friend and former hair dresser, Susan Fisher, she was worried about someone else.

She said a great deal has happened in Mary’s family (not her real name); you should call her.  But she didn’t reveal what had been told to her in confidence—Susan Fisher was not that kind of person.

Since her Bible was her best friend, she respected others who may have divulged their private hearts while sitting elevated in her salon chair. For her, secrets went simply from one chest cavity to another.

I enjoyed my time with Susan; her business, called Hidden Cove, was a treasure no matter what the address. Since I was a starving artist, she offered to sell my humble prose in a basket on a stand or table in her beauty shop. She would save the money for me.

We were in a business group together, seeking to give other members tips on possible business contacts. We gave speeches on what we were about, and offered incentives for our respective businesses.

But what Susan did doesn’t tell who she was. She had an open heart and a faith that comforted and consoled. Her spiritual walk was central to her life.  She had vibrant red hair (the latest tint), and a spirit of inclusion. She wasn’t a prude, either, loving to laugh at life which is as good as any hair tonic. That was a truth she carried.

But things were never smooth for long. She battled both breast cancer and kidney disease. And as a proprietor of a small business, it was hard to get and keep good health care if you had a preexisting conditions. (No personal mandate then, nor that much sympathy if you weren’t under a corporate umbrella.)

Inadequate medications, not the better ones that would have worked, had caused her body to reject a kidney she received, resulting in kidney failure. 
I offered to write a letter to her Congressman requesting help with health coverage for her. I believe he came through for her.

Her home was like a doll house, clean, sweet, and dear.  Her beauty shop, her business, was organized and inviting. She was as gracious as The Prince of Peace. 

She had a luminous inner being, and an open door.

Her family relationships weren’t perfect just like the families of the customers she served weren’t perfect. But you became a kin, or certainly a friend, as you shared your walk in life as the latest tint and rinse were poured on your head. She always put a little Jesus in your hair—and you just can’t get that everywhere.

Susan Fisher “flew up” (to heaven) last August.